How to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

I didn’t have a post idea for this week, so I looked in a folder where I had saved some jokes, and I decided to post one.

If you need some ideas on how to maintain a healthy level of Insanity, try some or all of the following:

· At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars.  See if they slow down.

· Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

· Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

· Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.

· In the memo field of all your checks, write ‘For Marijuana’.

· Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.

· With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat.

· Specify that your drive-through order is ‘To Go’.

· Sing along at the opera.

· Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you have a headache.

· When the money comes out of the ATM, scream ‘I Won! I Won!’

· When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, ‘Run for your lives!  They’re loose!’

· Tell your children over dinner, ‘Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.’

· And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity – Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter, and ask where the fitting room is.

e, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.   See If They Slow Down.

2.   Page Yourself Over The Intercom..   Don’t Disguise Your Voice!

3..   Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.

4.   Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks .  Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ‘For Marijuana’

6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.

7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. (can you  imagine yourself  asking for this….lol)

8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is ‘To Go’..

9.   Sing Along At The Opera.

10.   Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You have a headache…

11.   When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream ‘I Won! I Won!’    HA HA HA

12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling ‘Run For Your=2 0Lives!  They’re Loose!’

13.   Tell Your Children Over Dinner, ‘Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.’



10 Things I Hate About Everyone

I was looking for something else when I came across this list. It was one of the very few good forwarded e-mail jokes I used to get. Thankfully most people have stopped forwarding that crap, because most of it was crap and it just wasn’t funny. The best ones I got came from Mattie and Laurie, and this one was pretty good. It was originally nine items, but I had to add my own Peeve (#7) to the list.

  • People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, Pal. Where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
  • People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote, but they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
  • When people say, “Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too.” Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
  • When people say, “It’s always the last place you look.” Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
  • When people say while watching a film, “Did you see that?” No, Loser. I paid $12 to come to the cinema to stare at the damned floor.
  • People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya Sunshine?
  • People who say, “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.” You’re a damned liar. If you didn’t mean to interrupt, you wouldn’t have.
  • When something is ‘New and Improved!’  Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before – it couldn’t be new.
  • When people say, “Life is short.” What the hell? Life is the longest damned thing anyone ever does! What can you do that’s longer?
  • When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?” If the bus had come, would I be standing here, dumbass?

Feel free to forward this post to 10 people you care about, or add your own Peeve to the list.