Youth is a gift; Age is an art

My FB friend Madison posted this today. I’ve read this story before, but it is a wonderful reminder.

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long discovers that he’s lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, “Oh, oh! I’m in deep shit now!”
Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd says, “Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder if there are any more around here.”

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the trees.

“Whew!” says the panther, “That was close. That old German Shepherd nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans, and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine!”

Now the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?” but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says, “Where’s that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!”

Moral of this story…

Don’t mess with the old dogs. Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery.

Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

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When did Pajamas become Clothes?

When did this become acceptable? Are people actually that lazy? What happened to self respect and pride in your appearance? I hope this guy (yes, that’s a guy) found some on Aisle 7.

My friend Shirley Joan once told me that she never left the house without earrings. Even if it was just a quick errand, she never went out looking like a slob, and she always wore earrings. And so do I.

I believe if you can put on pajamas, you can put on CLOTHES! Just how comfortable do you need to get? I’m all about ‘to each his/her own’ and ‘whatever floats your boat,’ but Damn!

America/Race/Love/Color

The author of a blog I follow was offended by the headline, Celebrate Black Love!, on Ebony Magazine’s recent issue. Her position was that she did not like the headline mentioning skin color. You can read her entire post here. My response is below.

Your post could be considered a tad controversial. Race and skin color are American issues and have been since this country became populated by people other than Native Americans. I have to ask, though, what is unrealistic about the Obama family? Why do they have to be ‘quintessential’? Are all other black couples in a committed, successful relationship less worthy of acknowledgment? And who is to say that the black community needs an example of a black married couple with a stable life? Perhaps [white] America does not see or know about stable, loving, black married couples because the media choose not to report about them.

After a perusal of even one issue of Ebony, one would realize that the magazine does not encourage division; Ebony does, however, celebrate distinction and positivity in the black community because those attributes (regarding blacks) are celebrated in so few other mainstream American media outlets. And why is the headline curious? I am somewhat perturbed that you’re offended by the headline. It may be curious to some outside of the black community perhaps, but not to the black community.

What is curious to me is the last part of the post title – please go somewhere else. Can we not disagree with you? I am not easily offended, but I am annoyed (as perhaps any other ethnicity might be) that someone outside of the community is suggesting how we should see and represent ourselves.

America is a country where race is still a contentious issue, and race will continue to be an issue until we all decide to look past it. Skin color is an inextricable part of some groups’ ethnicity/identity.  I agree that it would be wonderful to celebrate love without attaching a color, but that’s just not the way this country sees things right now. America still judges people by the color of their skin, not by the content of their character, and I can see that that is slowly changing.  But for now, America still sees color.

Understand What They’re Sayin’?

Float On is an R&B oldie sung by The Floaters. The four singers are talking about what they like in a woman. The lyrics appear to be straightforward, but I’ve thought about it and have come to the conclusion that the lyrics are not quite complete. The real meaning appears to have been left out, but I have broken the code.

Sunset at Rick's Cafe in Negril, Jamaica

The song came out in the 70s and I guess guys thought that women really cared about what they wanted back then, cause they made a song about it. Like to hear it? Here it go.

Ralph likes a woman who loves her freedom and can hold her own. What he really means is I hope you love your freedom cause you’re going to have a lot of it. I’m not going to be around much, so you’re going to need to hold things down until I feel like coming around.

Charles likes a woman who’s quiet and carries herself like Miss Universe. What he really means is I really don’t want to hear you talking. Speak when spoken to, don’t have any kind of personality, and please carry yourself like some stuck-up beauty pageant contestant.

Paul likes all women of the world and sees all women as wild flowers . What he really means is he’s a ‘ho’. He likes/wants any and all women and intends to pick as many ‘wild flowers’ as he can.

Larry likes a woman who loves everything and everybody
because he loves everybody and everything. This one should be very clear. Larry is the Freak of the Week. He loves everything and everybody? He has no taste, no discrimination. He just does everybody and everything [to and with everybody] . And he wants his woman to be the same way? Some serious ‘et cetera’ going on at Larry’s crib.

So if you fit that description, if you understand what they’re saying, if you feel that is you, then by all means Float On. Aah Hah-ahh-ahh.

A Very Special Request

The abundance of social media sites and outlets could be responsible for the decrease in the number of those awful, forwarded-a-thousand-times e-mail jokes, chain letters, and challenges to prove your friendship, show your love for Jesus, etc. I received one in 2008 that made me grind my teeth. I could no longer hold my peace or keep my annoyance to myself, so I sent this e-mail to that person and everyone else I heard from regularly in my address book.

Let me preface this (because some of you may get your feelings hurt) by saying most of you I love, others not so much. This is not a joke, but remember what they say about people who can’t take one.

The straw that broke the camel’s back arrived in my e-mail inbox recently and I can’t be silent any longer. I have a very special request I would like to share. I’m just venting to some of you, and others of you know that this shoe fits.

Please keep your politics, your patriotism, and your religion to yourself. And I mean this in the kindest, most respectful way.

Don’t tell me to vote or remind me to vote. I believe it is condescending, a bit arrogant, and generally very annoying for anyone to do so. I am an intelligent person and I have figured out what is going on this November, specifically on the 4th.

Don’t tell me, or even suggest to me how I should vote. See the 2nd and 3rd sentences in the above paragraph.

Don’t send me another e-mail about anything that tells me to forward it or pass it on. You are not the boss of me. And I’m telling you now that I won’t do it. If you don’t want your chain-chain-chain of foolishness broken, then don’t send it to me.

Your e-mails about God and Jesus, with that “if you love Jesus/God you’ll forward this” threat? If you don’t know for sure what I believe, I will tell you this – I don’t believe the fellas are laid back sippin’ on gin and juice, making a list and checking their e-mail twice to see who wasn’t guilted or shamed by their so-called friends into forwarding their e-mail. See the previous paragraph.

A brief note about e-mail forwarding etiquette: please respect everyone’s privacy and delete all e-mail addresses when you forward. Or, you can cut and paste the message into a new e-mail. If I have to click on more than one forward, I’m not going to open it.

And before you forward another one of those BS urban legend e–mails about hearing babies cry outside your front door or smelling perfume being sold by a hustler in the parking lot, do your research. Check it out at www.snopes.com or www.truthorfiction.com or www.urbanlegends.about.com or www.hoaxbusters.com. Or just go to your favorite search engine, but stop going for the okey-doke.

What I would welcome and appreciate is a really funny joke (A priest, a rabbi, a minister, and a Buddhist monk walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”) or a personal e-mail (with pics if you have them) written by you telling me what is going on in your life.

Please feel free to cut and paste any part of this if you feel the need to send a similar note to anyone. If you are offended or upset, so am I every time I read and delete those kinds of e-mails from you. Please think before you forward; be sure you know your audience; and don’t make me block your e-mail. Cause I’ll do it, damn it. I’ll do it.

Love ya like a play cousin,

I still get those e-mails once in a while. And I see similar kinds of messages on Facebook from some of those same people, although they are not as blatant and don’t come as frequently. Now, we have the never-ending invitations to play those ridiculous Facebook games. So, stop inviting me to play. Don’t make me unFriend you, cause I’ll do it, damn it. I’ll do it.

Love y’all like Play Cousins.

10 Things I Hate About Everyone

I was looking for something else when I came across this list. It was one of the very few good forwarded e-mail jokes I used to get. Thankfully most people have stopped forwarding that crap, because most of it was crap and it just wasn’t funny. The best ones I got came from Mattie and Laurie, and this one was pretty good. It was originally nine items, but I had to add my own Peeve (#7) to the list.

  • People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, Pal. Where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
  • People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote, but they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
  • When people say, “Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too.” Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
  • When people say, “It’s always the last place you look.” Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
  • When people say while watching a film, “Did you see that?” No, Loser. I paid $12 to come to the cinema to stare at the damned floor.
  • People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya Sunshine?
  • People who say, “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.” You’re a damned liar. If you didn’t mean to interrupt, you wouldn’t have.
  • When something is ‘New and Improved!’  Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before – it couldn’t be new.
  • When people say, “Life is short.” What the hell? Life is the longest damned thing anyone ever does! What can you do that’s longer?
  • When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?” If the bus had come, would I be standing here, dumbass?

Feel free to forward this post to 10 people you care about, or add your own Peeve to the list.