I was looking for something else when I came across this list. It was one of the very few good forwarded e-mail jokes I used to get. Thankfully most people have stopped forwarding that crap, because most of it was crap and it just wasn’t funny. The best ones I got came from Mattie and Laurie, and this one was pretty good. It was originally nine items, but I had to add my own Peeve (#7) to the list.
- People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is, Pal. Where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
- People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote, but they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
- When people say, “Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too.” Damn right! What good is cake if you can’t eat it?
- When people say, “It’s always the last place you look.” Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you’ve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!
- When people say while watching a film, “Did you see that?” No, Loser. I paid $12 to come to the cinema to stare at the damned floor.
- People who ask, “Can I ask you a question?” Didn’t really give me a choice there, did ya Sunshine?
- People who say, “Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.” You’re a damned liar. If you didn’t mean to interrupt, you wouldn’t have.
- When something is ‘New and Improved!’ Which is it? If it’s new, then there has never been anything before it. If it’s an improvement, then there must have been something before – it couldn’t be new.
- When people say, “Life is short.” What the hell? Life is the longest damned thing anyone ever does! What can you do that’s longer?
- When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, “Has the bus come yet?” If the bus had come, would I be standing here, dumbass?
Feel free to forward this post to 10 people you care about, or add your own Peeve to the list.